I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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