His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
