My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just tell him i said nine months
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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