We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so let's talk penis.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
