Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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