You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
