I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize