Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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