Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
