We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
