K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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