I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
