Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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