In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
