I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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