: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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