When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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