Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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