I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
True strength comes from lack of pants
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
