i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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