Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
