so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
