stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
