I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
