ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
