We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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