Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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