I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
