sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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