all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
