I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
