he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I deserve this hangover.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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