I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
