margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
