Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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