she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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