People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
