I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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