it hurts more in the daytime
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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