Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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