Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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