DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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