I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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