did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh god the rape fog is back!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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