I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
