So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
