you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
