She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
