grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found the puke drawer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
