At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This house was built for laser tag.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
