it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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