she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
