My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
