you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
