Too much gin, very little bucket
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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