I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
