..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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