im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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