giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
