i just wanna soil my oats bro
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
