I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
