im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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