1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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