I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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