I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When are your genitals available?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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