I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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